It's my first entry and I'm wondering if I'll keep it up. My little one is 3 months now and as I sit at my desk wondering what she's up to and whether her caretaker is giving her the flu, I figure writing it out would be great. I contstantly am uploading pictures into my webshots albums and I wish I had the space to include pictures along with my thoughts. This might be the outlet. This web page, I hope, will be a place Amelia will be able to visit to see that even though I didn't fill out that baby book events, cataloging every itty bitty detail, I decided instead to keep a little journal for her and for family and friends about her amazing little life.

Louise has the flu. She's 70 and she has the flu. She wasn't worried at first, but as her body aches intensify, she sounds a little worried now. She's asking for Tylenol because that's least likely to effect her other medications. You see, she absolutely adores Amelia, but Lord knows I didn't know she was 70. Lucky for her she doesn't look a day over 60. Unluckily for me, her trips to the doctor of late have made me wonder if she'll be able to handle an active running, grabbing, touching, poking little girl. Amelia's still a little baby in the scheme of thigns, but will I have to search for a new provider and what are the chances I'd find one as loving and good natured as Louise, aka Lou Lou.

I made the decision when I was pregnant I'd have a nanny and go back to work. My mother and I rightly predicted I wouldn't be happy staying at home every day because even on maternity leave I was craving to be back with my coworkers. I dreamt of going out to lunch, walking around without child strapped to me and caring for appearance again instead of wearing milk, puke and poop.

But then I did start work. And the 40+ hours a week added with the commute meant I sometimes spend about 11 or 12 hours away from home. Now its depressing. Changes within the magazine, my company was sold recently, means offices outside of NY will get to work from home. I am filled with jealousy. My job is a job that can be completely done from home but because my supervisors like a full office, I'll be stuck in another cubicle, away from my baby. The practical solution to me would be to have flexible work hours and working part of the week out of the office and inside my home. That would be a work place with wonderful family values. That is a dream in this town. New York is the city that never sleeps and the business never stops. We were blanketed with snow by the largest blizzard in decades and it didn't even put a dent in the Monday morning besides a few late trains. No snow days here, keep going and keep moving and keep producing. Don't stop for snow so don't think you're going to stop for baby.

I'm originally from Jamaica, but I grew up in the American south, living in towns like Jacksonville, Atlanta, Athens and Charleston. We stopped for snow. It was nice. But the ability for me to find employment in the publishing biz in the south was pretty much a dead end search for years after college. Heading north was the only way my name would make it onto a masthead, even if its in fine print all the way at the bottom.

So here I am, the newest New Yorker, raising a New York baby. But the great thing about this town is that unions still have a little respect, even though every day, they get a little more downtrodden and abused and sold out by their own. My husband is a union man and I'm now absolutely in love with the union. The only people I can understand to hate unions would be those who don't need healthcare, don't care when, where and if their next paycheck arrives. A little security is nice. With corporate mergers, sales, layoffs and cutbacks, having his union make sure Amelia gets healthcare is a nice thing. It's certainly not free. Shane works 6 days a week when work is good and not at all when work is bad. And the benefits don't include paid time off so he's a hard working man with real dirty boots at the end of the day.

Our goals are simple, like most folks with kids: Provide a supportive and loving home for our two children. I have a step son, 12 years old , currently living in Jamaica with his mother. To achieve that, it means many hours away from the house working on providing. Working to provide. Provisions. Must get the provisions. But now, my thing is: Time. Time with Amelia to watch her grow. Time to teach her to have no doubt who mom is. I am mommy and no one else. I'm positive all mommies have this desire to be the absolute and infinite for their babies. By that I mean there is no other mother for your baby and no one can possibly be mistaken as one by baby.

Luckily, that hasn't been an issue. These days I sometimes get the silent treatment and eye avoidance when I first get home. But if I come bursting through the door screaming Amelia with the utmost excitement and tons of laughter, kisses and hugs...well, it's infectious. She never stays mad for long. So that's my latest solution to my little Amelia's worries over why I'm leaving her all day.

This weekend was a fun one for her. My parents came in town for her christening. What a great day! And thanks to her absolute angelic behavior throughout the Feb 11 06 ceremony must be noted in the history books. We all were very impressed with her good nature and actual smile as she was getting baptised. It was her first meeting with Grandpa Fred who lives in Jamaica. He promptly claimed her as his baby, with instructions on everything and anything in caring for her. He did come up with a valuable solution to her itchy dry skin though, a light epsom salt bath soak. This weekend also was the first time we saw improvement in her skin thanks to her new doctor recommending we get crazy with the vaseline and hydrocortisone. For the FIRST time Amelia isn't a scaly, itchy, red baby. Yipppeeeee! We also brought in an air purifier/humidifier. We are determined to fix this. And now we have the right team of doctors, grandparents, parents and nanny to help this little girl along an itch-free childhood. Let's just pray our latest fix stays as a permanent fix.

that's all for now.


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