So I've now made a monumental step my own mama is going to be jumping up and down over for weeks over. I joined Weight Watchers. Okay, so it's hard not to feel like a total dork because I'm not ADMITTING I need to take off the weight because the aches and pains and weary persona is just getting old. I want to be slim and fast and furious. I want to chase my boo and not get all sore just picking her up. I want my belly gone and firm and fit. Yes, the fat lady has sung. She's screaming from the rooftops..."I don't want my big ass anymore!"
I have to admit, I hide behind the weight. I hate too much attention, which seeing that I am really cute (hehehe)and have been super skinnier and cuter in the past - too much of a good thing can bring on lots of issues.
How about creepy guys approaching you and catcalling you because your height and weight make you look 16 even though you are grown folk. And women rolling their eyes at you because your metabolism lets you eat whatever you want or you'll just work it off at soccer practice (aahh..sigh...the old days)...or they blatantly say things like I KNOW you're flirting with my man, skinny bitch.
And my former cutie pie self created assets that just didn't seem right. A swoosh of the hair, a bat of the lashes, a swagger in the walk....can get you ANYTHING. I realized that men will do anything for you if you look a certain way and act a certain way. Dumb cutie gets so far - ask Jessica S. Play dumb even if you aren't dumb and the world puts you on a pedestal. Your dumb blunders get to be on Oprah and skyrocket your career.
So after realizing that this fact isn't true to my core beliefs as feminist spouting "its about my brain, not my boobs," I got really used to the fact a little weight on made the world seem to accept me more as a person and not as an object.
Yes, some days I miss all the catcalling and the stray "hey, hot mama" that still comes my way sends me into euphoric self esteem heaven. But now I know it ain't about that. It's about my health.
I feel like shite. I am way too tired and my body is slow and I can feel pressure headaches. Having a baby is such a traumatic blessing (HELL on your body and HEAVEN to your heart and soul). But I am TOO young to be so weak and so worn out.
So now, set your clocks, I'm telling the world - (ahem my 2 readers and my ma) I am now serious enough to put my money on it.
I've signed up for 10 weeks up front and I'm doing their eTools which is a little extra. I'm serious now.
And yea, maybe I'm a little peeved with the fact that Ms. Angelina Africa slimmed down in a few weeks what I haven't been able to take off in 8 months. Now I'M HATIN' on the skinny bitches.
damn.

Comments

  1. Anonymous12:02 AM

    You're lovely right now but good for you girl. Being healthy is the most important thing and weight watchers is the best way to lost weight (as opposed to the crazy Atkins diet). You're setting a good example for amelia!

    ReplyDelete
  2. baby doll, you are beautiful as you are. however i know what you mean about wanting to be really healthy and feeling beautiful again. time to get fit for us both!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts