why am i feeling guilty about writing? And why do we call writing blogging? ITs WRITING

lets not forget the word writing when we create new words for searching like googling and texting and whatnot.
Right now, I'm writing.
 
So I don't usually go all biblical in the blog since I see myself for balance centered when it comes to speaking my faith (I hate the either/or Christian requirement), but when it comes down to times I feel so weary I really do call to that beautiful Bible or I search words that mean something to me. I say my our Father (and Mother)s every night and in utter despair I hold hands out in front of me and ask for guidance because I know when I can't walk alone. So I typed in broken spirit. I feel broken. Sickness does that too you. So do other things. Unhappiness. I'm one of those who feels guilty with unhappiness. Because I am so full. When I don't rejoice and feel joy in that, I am left guilt ridden and confused. Now that, my nonCatholic raised folk is Catholicism. Oh, the guilt. the guilt, the guilt the guilt. And sometimes it takes another Catholic to just pluck that guilt like its an old violin string ready to bust. Its so deep in your upbringing you don't even know its controlling you. When I typed in broken spirit, I got this sermon that at the time I was about to just go whateva...but I read it. I've been begging for some sort of light in the tunnel. Something! Anything! Because I know I'm not well. I feel like this bug took me so bad because my spirit was weak and open to disease. I shouldn't have fallen so hard. I should've fought harder. I can't fight anymore. But I'm not really one to stay chained to misery. When I'm weakening somewhere, I fly onto somewhere else to grow strong again. nomad fran. People weren't supposed to be so sensitive. Who else can feel the frustration of every impatient cab driver honking as if he's actually begging me to be on time? Who hears hungry birds in trees and constantly wishes to feed them because its not right that birds should have so few fresh things to eat. Who can hear her neighbor cough and know its been too long for that cough to be there. Who knows so much empathy that it cripples into paranoia. Who feels others pain when there is no pain to feel, when they didn't ask for it, when they didn't want i, tell you...they DON'T care you care... Something must be wrong, someone isn't right, someone is sick, something is hungry. Even the plant is cold. The apartment is cold and we can hide under blankets but these tropical plants are cold.  That. is. sick. craziness if you ask me. I'm a crazy lady and thats that.
That is sad. That is weak and as I like to tell myself...THAT should be put out to pasture because that being is not meant for this city. The city's too loud and too angry and too fast and too sad.
And I am so weak. I can't fight that. toilet?bed?toilet? food? I'm so afraid to eat I haven't had more than a pretzel and zebra cakes and almonds in the last 2 days.
a friend told me she thinks I caught the bug thats on all the cruise ships. She had it over the summer and said...oh yea...it took my whole family reunion down. they weren't even ON a cruise ship! OMGawd. Could my dear auntie have brought back bugs from her trip? She seems fine though. gotta check that.
 
 
 
 

Wounded or Broken?

by John Coblentz

taken from the June 1998 newsletter of
Deeper Life Ministries

In the Bible we read about a "wounded spirit" and also about a "broken spirit." In some ways the meaning of these two terms is similar. Both terms indicate distress. It is possible even that one person may have a wounded spirit in response to the same situation that results in a broken spirit for another person.

But the two terms stand in contrast. First let's consider how they are used in Scripture.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?" (Proverbs 18:14). The same Hebrew word is translated broken in Proverbs 17:22, where we read, "...a broken spirit drieth the bones." The Hebrew word literally means "stricken." In both verses the NIV says "a crushed spirit."

A wounded spirit is one that is hurting, but one in which the hurt has festered into unbearable attitudes and responses. A person with a wounded spirit lives in inner misery that focuses regularly on his injuries. Out of this focus come the following "unbearable" characteristics:

  1. A negative mind-set. The person with a wounded spirit is preoccupied with past injuries. He views incidents in life in the worst light. He sees the bad and ignores the good. His mind is filled with woes, suspicion, and assumption of evil.

  2. Victim reasoning. With a wounded spirit, a person views himself as a sufferer. He can turn even kind actions of others into additional grievances, into added pain in his life. He is pleased when others notice his misery, and hurt when they do not.

  3. Grievance mannerisms. Out of a wounded spirit come sighs, groans, and exclamations that draw attention to the hurt. There is body language such as shaking the head, throwing dark looks, facial misery, and slumped shoulders.

  4. Blame tactics. A person with a wounded spirit holds other people responsible for the misery in his life. In truth, others may have done him wrong, but those wrongs become the means of blaming others. The wounded spirit is able to cough up old injuries no matter what the present subject. The stories that are told put others in the worst light. In addition to direct blame, there are ways of insinuating--giving details in such a way that worse is implied.
Is it any wonder the proverb exclaims, "A wounded spirit, who can bear!" Out of the wound oozes the stench of self-pity, bitterness, and accusation.

In contrast to this is the broken spirit. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise" (Psalm 51:17).

The Hebrew word translated broken is a strong word. It means "wrecked, shattered, even crippled or maimed." The Lord delights in the person with a broken spirit. In Psalm 51, characteristics associated with such brokenness include:

  1. Acknowledgment of wrong. A person with a broken spirit does not make excuses or blame others. He takes full responsibility for his wrongdoing.

  2. Contrition. A broken spirit produces genuine sorrow.

  3. Humility. Self-will has been shattered. There is no attempt to lift oneself up.

  4. Seeking after God. The person with a broken spirit has faced his own poverty and sin. He has no righteousness of his own to promote, but rather, he seeks to know God.

  5. Teachability. He is done with his own answers to life and is ready to turn to the Lord for help. He does not want his problem explained or justified; instead, he wants help to change.

  6. Unworthiness. The person who is broken is spirit does not demand, he asks. His focus is not on getting all that he deserves because he knows he has been spared from what he really deserves. He is grateful instead of complaining. He has tasted mercy, and he is done with demanding rights.
Much as a wounded spirit makes a person difficult to live with, a broken spirit makes a person a joy to be around. He has a tenderness in manner, a gratitude for what others do, a humility about himself, and a gentleness in relating to others who have faults.

God heals the broken-hearted. He declares that He will dwell "with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit" (Isaiah 57:15). When we experience brokenness and the blessings that follow, we wonder why we resisted such joy and freedom for so long.

I am told that one village that received the Gospel for the first time and experienced genuine brokenness began the custom of greeting one another, "Do I meet you broken, brother?" Perhaps this would be a good practice to begin.

Comments

  1. Anonymous7:21 AM

    Just wanted to say I LOVE YOU and keep BLOGGING...er WRITING - whateva - just keep it up (smile)!
    Kemi

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous6:24 PM

    I am glad that you are feeling better dear friend. Keep the faith! I like the humanity that I see reflected in your writing/blog entries.

    Lin

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous6:30 PM

    I am glad that you are feeling better dear friend. Keep the faith! I like the humanity I see reflected in your writing/blog entries. Keep it up!

    Lin

    ReplyDelete

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