ummm, school is getting hard

thinksheets, lesson plans, web quests.....EXHAUSTED
But as my husband will say, negative talk gets me nowhere. But still...I'm challenged. My dear daughter is in the middle of early intervention madness with evaluators and social workers and therapists and coordinators...doctors...MADNESS
All for her benefit down the line, but it's getting depressing to hear about what she should be doing and what she isn't. The whole point is we're working on getting her there. I just feel idiotic that me, Ms. Type A mommy (with a house mission statement) working on her Masters in Education (most likely emphasizing on early education at that) had no idea that the City of New York is concerned enough to turn my apartment into a walking doctors office/classroom with the number of specialists passing through. But it's all for her benefit down the line and I'm thankful for it. Just tired. And I'm refusing to buy into my own insecurities that keeping her home instead of daycare was a bad idea. She has years to be at school and only a couple precious baby years to be at home most of the time, with loved ones.
The end of the year always feels like a pressure starts with the commercials screaming BUY!BUY!BUY! And the news programs guilting you that the economy will suffer if you don't.
I'm not falling for the hype, trying not to at least, but I am feeling the last qtr crazies. Craigslist! I bought 100 buck doll house in perfect condition for 12. It was a gift and the woman didn't know its worth or didn't care or believed in karma like me and refused to profit off a gift. AND it matches her room, PEACH! I can't stop thinking about it. She says her daughter is a tomboy and has no interest.
I emphasize all the other things because the worst thing happened...I had a(another) cousin die. It's hard when you're in a really big family. You love so many people. I'm so jaded and sad at the same time that I just picture this dart board with all my black male loved ones and their black male loved ones on it being shot at for points. Not darts, guns. Their shooting themselves, Taliban and Al Qaida are aiming, cops are aiming...I just feel like I keep reliving the same story over and over and over and over and over again. It's so f*^*^up when you know at least 5 people that were murdered, either in your family or a close friend's family. They didn't just die. They were killed and someone else killed them. It messes with your head. This is so depressing I'm not even continuing the conversation.
On a happier note: A year ago I was miserable at a miserable job that was failing me as I was failing it. I was bitter and still am bitter at times because feeling undervalued lingers. But not enough for me to be thankful it opened the door to my new life...enjoying my child's little moments and getting another degree into something my heart really loves and enjoys. I've changed this ending 3 times. I insist on it being positive.


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