Glamma's Christmas Card Collage and an ode to marriage

Now this was fun. Today we cut pictures out of Better Homes Holiday Edition and lovingly glued them all over a card. I photocopied one of little girl's pictures taken this year and glued it in.
Putting this together only worked by giving Amelia her own fabulous little project on a separate piece of paper full of glue. She artfully chopped up and placed magazine pages and cheerios on her card. I'm stressing she did this all by herself. Not only talented, but Cute, cute, cute, cute, cute!

Today was also filled with grief about the decisions I make to bake instead of make it to they gym. What's hard is that my doctors all tell me I'm healthy as a horse and I just need to walk. I know I have work to do, but stressing about working out when gingerbread cookies are just itching to be made seems silly. When Jamaican Christmas cake is dying to be eaten it's rude. When sweet, sweet Sorrel is thirsting to be drunken not drinking it is just insane. Okay, that might not make sense, but you get me.
Yesterday, an ogre called me Humpty Dumpty. No intelligent man in his right mind would dare call a woman that so this must be Shrek having a bad day. This led to my own obsessive plans of fasting, not only for physical beauty, but to cleanse the pure hatred growing in my heart. It also led to pages and pages of diary writing. I only write like once or twice a year in this journal so this obviously cut deep down. I eluded the comment to be like the snowflake that started the avalanche. As my mother says all the time, "You married someone SO unlike you, it's amazing." Can the yin and yang stay together, thick and thin? Or do the insenstive, unkind and unwelcome comments add up over time to bitterness that can only be solved with distance? For the sake of my self esteem, I venture towards the latter. But for the sake of my children, I stick with the former. I'm so jealous of people who can just break up if they want. It's such a luxury. I miss those days when things weren't complicated. I keep this blog as positive and drama free as possible. But if, in the title I say I discuss motherhood, marriage, activism and enlightenment (I think that's what I say), then marriage should be discussed. I noticeably avoid the topic. It's the hardest thing known to man.
On days like today, it's a torture we put on ourselves for taxes and stability under the guise of LOVE, love, love, love, love. (I'm sticking out my tongue) It's so ingrained that sometimes we have to ask ourselves, are we thinking like rational 21st century adults or are we just recycling 5,000 year old bad habits by jumping into Marrriage, Inc.?

True to form, I have fallen off the wall and broken. Late night obsessions in the mirror have got to stop. Nobody's putting this humpty wifey together again. Something seriously snapped. I think think its the trees in the path of the avalanche just unleashed. I'm still pissed. And I will bake and knit and craft like a mad woman until I feel somewhat better, while I think of what Me (self worth) vs. Marriage (family obligations) means. I'm very seriously considering canceling my trip to Ja. I am not one of pretense. Avoidance yes, pretense, no. If I am still pissed by next Monday, I don't need to meet my mother-in-law with my true feelings. She and all that comes within range of my shrill "who RAISED this @$#@$#????" will hear how pissed I really am.


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