Dear Harlem Mama, signed Mad All the Damn Time

Dear Harlem Mama, 

I have a temper. It's something I try to work on, but I think it's driving people, especially men I really care about, away from me. Any advice? I want someone to stick around. I need help. 

~Mad All the Damn Time. 

Dear Mad All the Damn Time,

Congratulations on at least seeing something wrong and wanting to change. Many people that just lose it don't think it's them, it's everyone else. The truth is that your fuse is just shorter and in need of training and relaxation. There are two techniques that I think have helped me with my own short fuse. Meditation and Prayer. Practicing both of those seems to help calm my mind when I feel like snapping. My meditation usually starts with me by myself in nature somewhere, alone with my thoughts. I think about whomever or whatever is driving me crazy and work on breathing it away with long deep sighs. I practice visualizing myself with a different reaction. I practice seeing myself as patient.

Other times, I grab my Bible. I open and I just read whatever I was meant to read at that time. And I keep reading and reading until I find myself calming down. Half the time I don't really know what's going on until a page or so in and I may have to back track and reread. Just the act of handing it over to God. I use my Bible and I also use mantras. I love world music and I've run into a very cool guy named Krishna Das. Das is a U.S. Vocalist know for his performance of Indian devotional music called kirtan.  I have no qualms of letting his music calm my savage beast because in my humble opinion, God resonates through all who let Him and any voice lifted in devotion knows God, and is heard by Him.

God also reminds me of his and my feminine nature and that yes, if I am arguing with a man, I am wasting my sacred feminine spirit. A way to his heart and to your sanity is to not argue over every little thing. If he is not providing, let him go. If you think your raised voice will make bring him into more commitment and love, you are sadly mistaken. Not everybody argues. Many, many couple are so mindful of the other's feelings that disagreements can be resolved with deep discussion, and a healthy practice of conflict resolution. Google conflict resolution and learn new techniques.

There is more to loving than arguing. There are solutions. You may have grown up learning bad habits from family members arguing around you all the time. Breaking the bad habits takes practice, practice and more practice. Good luck!

Peace and Blessings,

Harlem Mama


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