Sparrows

I remember before I moved out of the city, always watching the sparrows. The hardiest, toughest birds in the world lived on the streets of Manhattan. Every morning they gathered around the trash, fighting and sharing all the while for scraps. They sang every morning outside my daughter's window in a tree that seemed to be bare most of the year. I longed for them to see what I remembered of trees outside my windows growing up.   As my tulips come up and I freeze my arse off taking their picture, I realize that snow flurries still isn't snow. And now I feed and watch cardinals, blue jays, mockingbirds, robins, brown thrashers, orioles as they visit my land. I was a city girl for many years, but no more. My children run in my yard scaling the crepe myrtle tree, pretending they are huge. We are in layers and the house feels a bit chilly, but it is warm nonetheless. I paid the bill so heat is pumping in. Today, I listened to His Eye is on the Sparrow a few times. I remember being out of my mind, just watching the sparrows and the barren trees, begging for summer to come. I did find myself in the city, maybe I just found my voice. I can sing you know. It's really a secret. But I have a lovely voice. I just never knew it. I'm still learning to be confident in my voice. It's hard because I hear a lot of shit about my voice. Not my singing voice, the rest of it. The part that refuses to stop believing in herself. I am learning to believe when no one else is.  I look around and I'm just glad that I have sense enough to appreciate what I have. Spring will really be here sooner than later. I need it. But because I take the time to look around, the birds have taught me that even if snow is on the ground, having spring in the heart makes up for the cold. Birds teach me to sing even when fighting for scraps. I don't think I will ever again live too far away from the cardinals. And the sparrows will be with me wherever I travel. And as I watch them, I know I am being watched as well. These blessings to come true cannot possibly have happened if I didn't have God's kindness shining on me. 

Comments

Popular Posts