Oprah's Life Class on Single Moms

I forgive myself for judging myself that I am a single mom, that I'm not getting it right and that I can't do it by myself. I'm watching Oprah's Lifeclass on OWN about single mothering. I teared up in the first 5 minutes. I totally related to being surprised how hard it is to create a "club" of single mothers supporting each other. I've had moments where I am so grateful for the support I do have, but at the same time I've been so sad about the life I had to let go before the children. Yes, I love them, of course! But no, I do not need to give up the woman I am or the woman I want to be. I am not just Mommy. What I think has been good about the class is that I now realize how common the feelings about being judged, judging oneself and the overdose of guilt that plagues us. Parenting alone has its drama but yes, we have to come to a place of acceptance of the situation we are in so we can feel whole. We keep feeling as if we are providing less than those who are paired and parenting. We feel we are depriving our children of what we believe other children are receiving. Coming to terms with our own awesomeness, is necessary. Saying to ourselves, I will not judge myself, I will not feel guilty, I will call on support in any way I can is all allowed and again, necessary. I will build the love needed for all of us to thrive.

Iyanla Vanzant:
Moving forward with a sense of grace and power...
I am not a victim, nor have I been victimized.
I am a woman, the source of power and life.
Within me is the power to bring forward life...
I am not a victim, nor have I been victimized...
I now give myself permission to forgive myself
for believing, as the nurturer of life, I will be less than what God expects me to be...

......and I am having fun in the process.

The truth is for a long time I've held bitterness because I couldn't figure out how my very full social calendar changed so drastically. I'm trying to make some definitive changes. I realize it has become harder for me to put myself in social situations, what everyone needs. Now I do most things by myself. And I know I stuck around in a bad marriage because of total fear of being alone. I just hung on even when everybody around me knew it was beneath me. I didn't care. I felt like a marriage failed is a failure of myself. I've been a single mom for years. It's only now that the divorce is happening. I've been awakened that the single woman happy is so much better than the married woman sad. I'm not always happy, but I am no longer the drama I was when I was attached to that man.

And something was just said about how we punish ourselves, like not pursuing our dreams.  Changing the language inside my head is paramount. When I start with the self-defeat, I must move on from that. I must have this sense of pride that I am going forward without the baggage. I am going to make wise choices instead of quick ones because I want to hold myself at a higher standard, see myself as more than worthy. I have always sold myself short because of my insecurities. I've always been okay with settling, in fear that nothing better will come down the road. That is changing. Accepting myself as I am is always a work in progress, but the reality is that I am not the same woman a few years back. I'm calling out bull a helluva lot more these days. I ask a lot of questions, I don't always say yes, and I ask myself if this is something I want because it's here right now or is this something/someone I want in my life down the road.

I know I am blessed to have the support I have. But I also know that I have had terrible moments of being overwhelmed. Now, I plan to just say I'm going to do my best. I plan to work on the Ms. Type A, it's gotta be perfect crap.  I forgive myself and then I forgive those around me that I don't feel support what I'm trying to do with my kids. One thing I hope I can organize is a community of those single moms. And one thing I am trying to do is to organize in my finances so I do not give up on my dream as an artist. I will admit, finding the money for canvas or classes has been hard and I've put those needs aside. I still do what I can with what I have, but I have to take those steps forward in order to go where I want to go.

I want a single mom's club!!! Community is so important. This is where our society has changed. Our villages do not exist like they did before. Our parents and grandparents knew how to do it, but for some reason, we run in very small circles and we rarely build our community around our mothering and our own dreams and aspirations.  We must help each other complete each other. I hope that makes sense. Yay Lifeclass!


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