On a personal note...

Today I got Gracie to help with dinner. After we watched the ending of Madame CJ Walker. I let her venture out of the house. Amelia goes out to help my mom with her garden, but Gracie has fewer chances to leave. We tried plant identification and 🐞 insects as well. That was a project I have her working on. We focused on having a full day. I want Amelia to start a project as well. I saw a meme of kids holding up signs saying " try having the principal as your homeschool teacher" with dad looking serious. I thought we were also having a moment where the kids realize mom loves teaching them things. They are annoyed. But I laugh. We sleep late sometimes, but we get things done.
I'm a little sad that my extra funds will be going so quickly to home repairs and restoration, but I know it is good. It will be good to pay people working on my home. I have faith. I am blessed. My pantry is full. In the summer my mother's garden will be at its peak. Sometimes I wonder why I need therapy, but then I remember I am bipolar and negative thoughts will have me in a tail spin sooner than I can blink. It's like I can barely handle someone not liking me or thinking I am a bad person.
Why do I need approval? It still matters so much that people are proud of me. I want to do a good job. I am taking this course called Playing Big to help me build confidence and self awareness. I am a woman trained to be good at almost anything. But I am also weakened by the thought of being ugly, lazy, dishonest....I'm trying my best to live in light. I'm also trying to be honest all the time with everyone. I really identified with Hillary Clinton trying to be as honest with the public and press while tending her needs for privacy and introversion.
I feel like I am an open book on my blog, but not really sharing that I am disabled severely if not on a massive cocktail of medicine. I'm healthy enough though. I give thanks. Now if only my kidneys hold up with all these meds. They are struggling. Real life. Hard thoughts. But I keep working on me.

If you have issues you are facing, don’t be afraid to seek therapy. I know its powerful impact on my life. Think about it.

Apps that help me these days: Noom and BetterHelp


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